you should give them a proper burial and send them adrift, on fire. the only problem is theres probably soo much harmful chemical crap in the water, it may explode.

dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of mike's tennis shoes hereforetoafterwhichnow refered to as "debbie."  many people loved debbie, since she was such a fine specimen of beatup walk-ums.  there will be a viewing at now-o-clock at the church of gnome, followed by a burial at sea.  debbie left behind two feet, and is preceeded by mike's new pair of shoes, daryl.  donations may be placed in the basket that will be passed around. 

Stop hating yourself, it's friggin annoying, there's nothing wrong with you idiot!

Weep not for him, he has gone to the hall of his fathers; the hall of warriors; the hall of kings. Weep not for him, he was brave and killed many a foe. Weep not for him, his death was one of honor. Weep not for Chuck, For he is in in Thr GReat Halls of Valhalla.
~ Viking Eulogy for My chucks when i make thier viking pire boat and give them a proper burning.

(ps why the hoopa did you get new ones?  the old pair looks just right in worn-in-ness!)

i got new ones cuz stupid tim pozamaniac drew all over my old ones, and i tried to cover it up, but that didnt go well